SAATH HINDUSTANI !!! Christmas Sur Taal...


1200hrs, 25th December 2006
Phone beeps... Jat calling... I wonder why...
Paaji is the one who actually talks...
"pRicky come down to the reception we gonna jam the night away..." in a false accent the christmas spirit had hit him the hardest I think...
I was reading and this was the first time I was actually reading since I had gotten here. I hate the idea of doing something else when I read. I usually would make an excuse... this time I heard myself say "sure see you in five..."
As soon as I reach the reception, the six other Indians walk out with one guitar and part of a drum kit...
Christams is not white... not even a single flake of snow... It isn't even too cold.
I was still not sure of what we were going to do. BUt was walking along with them actually infront of them and considering I had no clue where we were heading I felt right idiotic...
We were walking through the feild near our Halls.
The air was crisp... I could feel it...
There was silence also. This country shuts doan on Christmas... So no tubes could be heard groaning...
I love this city... I was in love with a mythical idea I had about this city and I still am in love with its harsh warmth and blatant crispness. I love the cold stillness and the silence which surrounds me.
I look around while Vocals starts with Lucky Ali songs... The Seven of us at 1230hrs were singing or making attempts at it.
Thought about the cold winter jam sessions in Delhi with Issac and Shree...
Subramanian and I have had several such sessions on phone for hours on and also while walking out towards her appa's car...
Flezre...
O' Sanam...
and then another Lucky Ali...
Except the birds we were disturbing with our celebrations there was no other sound or human except us, the seven...
Hands were freezing... shivers all around... I wasnt feeling cold... I dont very often... But the Chritmas cheer was apparent in all but one...
"Who wants tea????"
" Tea... Ya tea... lets have Tea"
I break away with best wishes...
And walk back with silence around me... I love that silence... With an incomplete song in my head and on my lips... forgotten and lost beneath other melodies...
Silence and doubt my companions...
I welcome their company...
A merry Christmas in London... Desi Signs off... Still tapping at his keypad 0249hrs
Namaste!!!
HO HO HO

What the Fog!!! ( quoting the boys on Hampi trip as reported by Tangled)

Dham! Dham! Dhum! (I am not quite sure how to literally convert the sound made my banging of a door...)

Usually it is Prude who bangs on the flat door to be let in, so she can grace the inhabitants of 88-O with her presence. But It wasn't Prude... Lo Behold! it was Sam and she seemed in a very controlled hysteria.

Background---After travelling for nearly two weeks during term time (Adventurous is how we like to describe Sam...) Sam fell sick as soon as she came to London and was in a bad shape and hence couldnt finish her master piece assignment story and now she was a day from her Extension deadline... without a story and with all her ideas shot down due to Scrooge like humbugs of this Romantic and extremely foggy city (Delhi fog is still giving London fog a run for its money though...)

Sam: I don't have a story

pRicky: hmm! You do... (I am the most irritating thing when someone is stressed and a no good know it all... I also thought that Sam would scratch my eyes out... Sam didnt bother)

Sam: No, I don't

pRicky: Yes, you do...

T: What happened? (Now that should really have been the question which pRicky should have been going after... but no the obvious doesnt interest him... no too much it is to be comforting to pRicky)

Sam: I had four ideas in the morning and now all of them are down the freezing drains...

pRicky: You have a story... (God! I should really take classes... I am infuriating)

Sam: Huh? (I am sure she was thinking... God he really doesnt understand English...)

pRicky: Well it is foggy and hence that is your story... Let's see the BBC...

Sam: Ah! ok...

BBC is very very helpful... turns out it did a story about domestic and international flights being delayed and cancelled due to fog.

Sam: Hmm thats a good story...

pRicky: You have a story... (Will you stop already???)

T: You could go to the airport?

Sam: Yeah, I will go to the airport... (Now that is real journalism... one moment she has no story and next she is off...) How much time does it take to get to the airport?

pRicky: ten minutes to the town center and fifty to Heathrow... Could take more owing to the fog... (he would know... the number of trips he has made to say bye bye to people... I mean I would know)

Sam: Ok so I will go now...

She was damn excited, I think...

I really cant keep my mouth shut and interfere with everyone's business. And the proof to that is as follows:

pRicky: Do you want me to come with you? (Why wouldnt you let the lady do her thing? why?)

Sam: You dont have to... (Hesitant... God why would he want to come??? I am sure thats what Sam thought)

pRicky: Do you want me to come?

Need I answer what happened next? Both of us got into a very crowded bus to Heathrow Airport (Yes, there are real overflowing crowded buses in London also... I hate buses... they never have any space in them at all. I never fit in them)

Sam: Upstairs? (Yeah these are the famous double Decker buses...)

pRicky: Sure!!! ( Damn! these steps are real narrow... I hate buses!!!)

I try and fit myself into the gap between the two seats... Fail miserably... I hate buses... I sprawled outside the seat in a way that one of my legs could still have some circulation but ah... damn we werent talking about my improvisation of seating in public transport where I dont fit...

So, let me continue, I am real bad company in buses, it gets warm and then I feel lethargic and hence I feel sleepy... so soon I was in a lethargic state of semi sleep... And Sam was doing something but my brain was on off mode...

Bus Stops... It was quite empty now... only me and another guy infront... The bus started again and three Brit guys climbed to the top... They had been drinking enough to seem drunk and enough to know what they were doing...

Nasheri 1 to Sam: Hey love! how you doing? you doing alright?

Sam: ya quite...

NAsheri 1: You are arent you?

pRicky: silence (there is going to be trouble...)

Sam: silence

Nasheri 1, Nasheri 2 and their friend the mobile guy made lot of rukus for a bit.

Nasheri 1 comes and sits behind our seats: hey Love! YOu doing ok huh? (He wasn't very bright... He had asked that several times before)

Sam: Yes, I am ok and You?

pRicky: ( Why ? why would she ask him why?)

Nasheri 1: any chance of a kiss, Love?

pRicky: ( Should I say something??? I should ??? Oh man! trouble!!! Not very brave our dear pRicky...)

Sam: How old are you?

God! these Americans are crazy??? She is this far from being harassed and she wants to know his age... I didnt see the connection and I was still contemplating how should I be reacting... I think too much that is my problem... or was I too much of a coward???

Nasheri 1: You need a real man. I am sure he cant keep up ( alluding to pRicky)

pRicky Keep your tongue in, man. Keep your tongue in...

Sam: I dont do younger men... so why dont you do your friend ( She was alluding to Nasheri 2) and be happy...

pRicky ( oh my god! why ? Why?)

Nasheri 1: You know what, love? I'll do you and my bitch ( his bitch-- Nasheri 2) will do your Bitch ( pricky- Sam's bitch).

Pricky: Hey, you fucker! Shut up and you are the only bitch around here... ( I just cant keep my mouth shut...)

Nasheri 2 now jumped into action and came and stood over where I was sitting: Hey none of that language from you... Dont use fucking bad language with us... ( yeah and you should be advising me because I thought... also I was thinking should I stand up or shouldnt I)

pRicky: Yeah well, Fuck you!

Nasheri 2: You wanna mess with me? you bloody chink cunt!!! ( HEy thought I was chinese???)

pRicky: ( To stand or not to stand)

Nasheri 2: You better shut the fuck up or I'll show you...

Well that did it... stand up it was....

Sam: No, Pricky... Don't

and held on to me hand ( Very filmi... And the coward that I am I sat back...)

Sam: why don't you guys just leave?

Nasheri 2: Why dont you come out?

He was asking me...

I ignored...

The bus was coming to a halt again and I knew for a fact that something would happen...

Nasheri 2 spat and before he spat I was out of my very very narrow seat...

Don't think I did anything heroic... those guys jumped off the bus and I wouldnt know what I really would have done... other than being a coward...

Well, either way, Sam wasn't too upset... She has had several experiences like these and we had a job at our hand... and also yet again it was proved who was the guy when pRicky was around a girl... The girl is the man...

So finally we get to the airport...

When we reached inside we found the whole airport crowded with haggard passengers...

It was brilliant...

We started with taking shots off the tripod...

We found a Press Officer Who we thought was a lucky pick and Sam would have a brilliant interview...

Sam: Can we interview you on Camera?

Press Officer: No...

Sam: we are just students...

PO: Do u have a £5 million insurance? its a public Liability thing...

pRicky: What??? how much did you say??? ( I blurted!!!)

Sam: Our School has insurance but I juts dont know how muc... ( This was after she had gathered her jaw off th ground)

PO: YOu cant shoot.

pRicky: Were those ITN reporters you were talking to?

PO: yes...

pRicky: lets go talk to them...

Sam: Yeah Yeah...

We walked away real fast...

Sam: I am taking this story...

pRicky: yeah...

And then we did something both of us had not thought we would...

pRicky: Do you have David's number if we get arrested?

Sam: No ( she smiled)

pRicky: Great Lets start then...

And start we did... Took all the shots we needed of the tripod. Hiding from all the Airport officials and Policemen and CCtv's.

Sam was excited... I wasn't...

We finished with three brilliant interviews... all done on prosecutable grounds.

But We were both going with the motto ' when else in my life would I be doing this?'

A small £5million pound insurance cant take a brilliant story from being covered...

So we rush out from the airport after lying at the airport about why we were so interested in knowing exactly what was happening about the flights... ( I believe we told everyone that we were waiting for friends coming from somewhere both of us had no idea from where)

The last thing to do? The reporter's Piece to camera...

we come out of the airport to get out of being arrested and guess what greets us?

No fog at all... The whole story gone to the dogs after everything...

Well not quite, God loves Sam... We got to school and fog was back much thicker...

Sam got a brilliant story... And I got another memorable day...

Thanks Sam for letting me on the adventure...

I hope I wasnt too much in your way?

Never could stop!!!








Music... a hum... a rhythm... a trance


dribble... dribble...


There was always music from the first time... only the hum...


dribble... dribble...


Sometimes it felt as if flying...


dribble... dribble...


already twisted ankle...


dribble... dribble...


fingers remind that they have been broken...


dribble... dribble...


The crescendo increases... there always was a hum... it always felt like a trance...





Speed... was always missing...


was never swift...


Agility... hardly...


Power ... never quite enough...


Talent... no associations absolutely...





But it was natural... always natural...


Never belonged to any team...


Never was the best...


Never was noticed...


Never the one for whose team people would fight to be in...





Never felt tired...





Injuries didnt matter...


broken glasses didnt matter


torn clothes didnt matter





There always was a hum...


a trance always...


everything closed around and nothing but the rhythm mattered...





More than anything...





The swish...


And another swish then...





I am back...

Who cares???

Doesnt matter... Does to me...






Thanks T,MT, Princess...


apologies Prude...

Please forgive me cause I fall asleep when it is warm!!!

Angels from the realms of glory,Wing your flight o'er all the earth;Ye who sang creation's story,Now proclaim Messiah's birth:Come and worship,Come and worship,Worship Christ, the newborn King!

Shepherds, in the fields abiding,Watching o'er your flocks by night,God with man is now residing,Yonder shines the infant Light;Come and worship,Come and worship,Worship Christ, the newborn King!

Sages, leave your contemplations,Brighter visions beam afar;Seek the great desire of nations,Ye have seen His natal star;Come and worship,Come and worship,Worship Christ, the newborn King!

Saints before the altar bending,Watching long in hope and fear,Suddenly the Lord, descending,In His temple shall appear:Come and worship,Come and worship,Worship Christ, the newborn King!

Christmas in London a magical affair I always have lived with this belief. I love this city. It is boring and I wouldnt want to spend my life here but nothing can change the fact that it is magical. I love it the reasons I believe not many would flatter me and agree with me but I truly believe that is the one sole reason why I love it.

The first Christmas Carol service of my life. This carol saved me from a lifetime of humilation. I was so sleepy in that warm dark hall with the choir singing one carol after the other. I wasn't sleepy because it was a boring affair quite the opposite, I was delighted by it but I fidget a lot and hence can't quite get too sleepy in places which are very warm. So I was standing when I fell asleep and very nearly fell on the floor, when my excellent reflexes saved me from falling on my head...

I realised this had gone too far usually I only fell asleep in roll calls or assemblies or talks or in classes and them I have chewing gum to remedy it but in this case I was helpless.

So like I always love flattering myself with (I always ahave a plan B) I came up with an idea to keep myself awake and sang this carol with all my worth.

I quite like the words and no one was in agony over my singing. I guess christmas spirit saved me the boos (oh god I am self centered... no one cared whether I sang or not they were too involved in the proceedings and unlike me not sleepy).

The words which I felt made this one special are:

Glory

Creation

Shephards

Contemplations

Very very satisfying singing this one...

Poetry lessons anyone???

Thoughts!!! Infinity per sec

Please Excuse me... Havent slept for more than three hours for more than a month now (I am just using this as an excuse to defend my ramble today... I dont feel sleepy actually at all...)
" pRicky??? You have to go to the airport with Princess..." said T(poor roommate of mine always gets disturbed on my account)
Wordless, I got up, got dressed, took a sip of water. Armed myself with my very empty wallet (Like in India only contacts... who have no clue about my existence, some notes written by someone... a song actually to be precise, a snap of heaven, Uni Id, an ATM card), oyster card(your key to public transport in London... thieves is what run the transport here though)and keys. In space of two minutes.
"Don't sleep and forget where you need to get out while coming back..." said T
pRicky is capable of anything but he hates buses so no way he could fall asleep.
Time 5:12am
pRicky knew he was late...(there goes the image... darn it!!)
Stepped out in the corridor. Princess sat in the corridor, looked exhausted... very endearing.
He took the nearly but not quite heavy suitcase...
" Its raining..." Princess observed.
Silence... pRicky is very annoying never really talks when he should but every other times shoves his feet liberally in his mouth.
Fight happened at the tube station, where in the cheapo that pRicky is gave in and let Princess out money on it.
Finally got to the bus stop...
Time 5:17am
" We just missed the bus..." announced pRicky(right ray of sunshine he is. God man Princess saw going past too)
Princess was stressing like always without reason.
" Lets take the tube?" She ventured
" No... No point" thus spake the great wise pRicky. (Prude says pRicky is bossy, I think that is all tosh)
Time 5:47 am
The bus stops at the bus stop. (the buses actually reach every bust stand at a fixed time... God! the brits dont know how wrong they are tampering with buses adhering to time... Things are way better back home... they are always there two hours after they are supposed to be ther... now that is how real buses work)
So they get into one bus and get off.
Time 5:53 am
H140 arrives at 6:09am
And the trip to the airport begins.
Princess asked several questions. pRicky answered all...(the bloody know it all that he is)
He enlightened Princess with his theories
1. Why English bought the world?
2. Their currency is a sin and a crime?
3. Reason why chapped lips go unnoticed by guys.
All of them were met with disdain. The genius of all of them were lost on Princess.
" I hope your theories do come true..." polite snigger by Princess
" I hope they wont..." Nonchalant pRicky( who are you trying to kid???)
The bus finally got to the airport (whats in the name... I couldnt spell it anyway)
Terminal three this way...
Dragging Princess's not quite heavy suitcase...
Reaching Terminal Three
Time
6:59 am
Princess is feeling real cold. The poor girl. She was so exhausted. What with an hours sleep, and having to put up with pRicky.
Princess gave pRicky a hug, thanked him quite unnecessarily.
pRicky stayed till Princess walked away. Hoping she enjoys her time. She has missed home... He can't help but respect her...
------------------------------------------------------------------
Walks fast, extremely fast outside. He wasn't in a hurry. He was restless had been since he had come here.
Waited for a bus to turn up at its exact time. Smirked in delight when it was a minute late...
What was he thinking???
He had no idea...
-------------------------------------------------------------------
pRicky hates buses. Always for as long as he has known he has hated them. He always puked his guts out. He could never eat when he had to travel in one. Whatever stopped him from eating would always be a sworn enemy.
------------
Crapper would be on his trip by now. He might be enjoying the conversation with the breeze with Maya...
------------
Flezre...
-----------
T wouldnt have slept...
------------
Flezre...
------------
I don't have an idea...
------------
Flezre...
------------
Sardars are very characterstic... the always walk the same...
------------
Flezre...
------------
Can I look inside these people's head???
-----------
Am i making correct observations about this guy who just walked in??? Sherlock Holmes was good... Ah! actually Arthur Cannon Doyle was...
-----------
Flezre...
----------
The first sight... the wait till walked late in the class most times than not late... looking to gain attention... getting it for a moment...

every second as clear as ever... every word... every thought...
saved forever...
-----------
Flezre...
-----------
Second life... linden... blog... not quite working...
-----------
Basketball... no more... care??? Lets think about something else...
----------
I was never good at it...
----------
Natural??? at anything????
Messing up, Being a klutz...
---------
Website designing... Journalism... hmmm...
---------
Flezre...
---------
SSB... Not told... it wasn't felt necessary
---------
Flezre...
---------
Pondi... the beach at night... going on one knee... watching kakka... Holding close something more than precious...
---------
Online essay... more excitment after alst night debate...
---------
Flezre...
---------
i-Pod... should I shouldn't I?
---------
Flezre...
---------
Missed Movies... damn it... Krrish... Goal... Pirates Of- Part 2... several others... Dhoom2... Casino Royale... Don...
---------
Flezre...
---------
Matrix ... the virtual is real... Don't know enough... why do I believe in it???
---------
Flezre...
---------
Jamie Fraser... I never was...
---------
Christmas in London... Well where else if not here...
---------
The seats in all buses worldwide are too small...
---------
Flezre...
---------
Oh! My stop...
---------
I shouldnt be left alone with my thoughts...
---------
Music... Should listen to it more...
--------
Flezre...
--------
papa read my blog...
--------
It Isn't too cold... I don't feel cold or i don't acknowledge it???
--------
It would be 16th tomorrow...
--------
No it is today...
Reason enough...
--------
havent been inside the sports hall for more than four days...
-------
Red belt... grade up??? big deal...
-------
Natural at nothing...
-------
Flezre...
-------
Why am I walking so fast????
-------
If I listen to the i-pod... I won't be able to listen to all that goes around me...
Hmm not good...
-------
Should i wake Prude for a walk???
Nah! Prude's been working too hard... can do without being bothered by me...
-------
Matrix... I would most definitely wont be the one... probably would be a pole...
-------
Flezre...
-------
Can I run to Harrow on the hill???
------
Flezre...
------
Haven't been reading.... Disgusting that one...
------
India is more exciting...
------
Flezre...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
pRicky got back to halls... T wasn't asleep... Just as he had thought...
" everything alright?" T wanted to know...
"Hmmm... yeah..." said the grump pRicky...
Should I have coffee??? I don't like it... But what the hell????
" pRicky Sleep ..." T
" NOt feeling sleepy..." pRicky
" Just lie down..." T
"hmmm..." pRicky (Rude is an understatment)
-----------
" My flight has been advanced... I am going now..." Snow white hyperventilated...
the fifth time she had spoken directly with pRicky since over one and a half month...
Snow white looked stressed too but happy excited stressed... But Snow white had done everything right through the whole course... so Snow white would be looking forward to the break...
" What???" pRicky blundered (not quite bright our Mister pRick...)
He abandoned his coffee... got into some clothes... armed with the very long ago mentioned Wallet...
Rushed out...
less than a moment...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Flezre... ndiya gu thanda
Full stop right here

Somethings In Life Are Free. Cribbing Is One Of Them!!!

No Milk, Don't drink tea, It is raining

And I wish....

Ek ghram chai ki pyali ho
Koi usko pelana wali ho
Chahay gori ho yah kali ho
Se ne se lagane wali ho
Mil ja hai to mit ja hai to har gaammmmmm
Paramum pum pum,paramum pum,chike pap pap,
Chike pap pap,pamrum pum pum
Suba suba mai likloon ghaar se choom ke uske aakien,
har lamha bus yaad karoo uske chahat ke baathe
Aye! Suba suba mai likloon ghaar se choom ke uske aakien,
har lamha bus yaad karoo uske chahat ke baathe
Uske liye oh jina marna aur bhala,kya mujko karna
Meri liye khush hali ho,uske bina sub hali ho
Chahay gori ho yah kali ho
Se ne se lagane wali ho
Mil ja hai to mit ja hai to har gaammmmmm
Paramum pum pum,paramum pum,chike pap pap,
Chike pap pap,pamrum pum pum
Raath ko mai wapas aahon woh darwasa khole,
lekie muje ko bahon mai love you daring bole
Raath ko jab mai wapas aahon woh darwasa khole,
lekie muje ko bahon mai love you daring bole
Sajke mere samne aake,sari jaanki gagan mai jaye
Uske ada nerali ho,woh meri ghaar wali ho
Chahay gori ho yah kali ho
Se ne se lagane wali ho
Mil ja hai to mit ja hai to har gaammmmmm
Paramum pum pum,paramum pum,chike pap pap,
Chike pap pap,pamrum pum pum
Ek ghram chai ki pyali ho
Koi usko pelana wali ho
Chahay gori ho yah kali ho
Se ne se lagane wali ho
Mil ja hai to mit ja hai to har gaammmmmm
Paramum pum pum,paramum pum,chike pa pap pa pap,
Chike pap pap,pamrum pum pum

I HAPPENED!!!



Phone beeps
it is picked with devil may care (read with over enthusiasm... no one calls its too freaking expensive) attitude.
Voice on the other end ... " pRicky..."
Voice at the phone receiver's end (rugged, suave, sexy... {read-- not quite by a mile} ) "I am listening"(not nearly those words) "Yes, this him."(but close enough don't you think?)
Voice on the other end... "1830hrs... Dress sharp" (not quite... he actually said why the $%$%" does your phone keep getting disconnected. Be there at Six thirty... Dress smart in black shoe and pants)
pRicky responds with nonchalance(with enthusiasm. I am sure you guessed) "I'll be there..."

And so started a very long evening... and things went down hill after that(literally but not quite off the hill)

Desi pRicky walks into 'Nikki's Punjabi Delite' (a pseudo up market high society restaurant) at 1830hrs (because he flatters himself on being punctual)
Shaved, brand new black trousers, button up shirt, woodland jacket and brown formal shoes. pRicky walks up to the bar in splendour nodding a bit with the soft bollywood music playing in the background. The waitress looks up asks with a smile... "what will you have sir?" He says I'll have the tshirt you are wearing. The look on her face was worth the line.
pRicky continues" well actually I am the new waiter and I would need a tshirt to start working. Don't you think? I'll be working with you guys today" ( sometimes i crack myself up... working with you god! what was I doing taking over as the bloody CEO???)
ASIDE----Yes I went to work cause I am in foreign land and not just any foreign land but capital of the freaking English land where I study (supposedly) in the university which accepted me due to a bureaucratic screw up I am sure, the currency of this land is not just a sin but a crime (think in context of 90times ours... its actually a holocaust!) and to make ends meet I need to work part time (not quite but makes me sound cool!!!) actually I just need the money for weekend booze(makes me sound even more cool!!!) Well the reasons are not important I just need the money ok!!!--- private thoughts with self over.
Must give it to the waitress, she kept her composure and handed me the t shirt (need I say obviously not hers?)
So I get out of my apparel and got into the tshirt which now transformed me into 'Nikkie's' (purple but they call it blue for some reason... none of them seemed colour blind ).
So the owner who i discovered was after who the fantastic very recommendable place to eat was named after (hey I work there I am supposed to get them more business) gave me his wise words... " ask all that you want to know... No mistakes I don't tolerate that. The senior staff will show you around the strings."(I really started looking around for them!!!)
The senior staff of two M and N... M the waiter and N the waitress(the same one). They showed me where the plates were and the sauces and the menus (I almost gave them the order... take away of course) and when they told me about the drinks menu I told them I didnt drink...(like you they didnt smile). But they didnt show me around the Strings or the strings which the boss had asked them to show me. I didnt tell the boss cause M and N might have lost their jobs for disobeying...
The son enters full suited booted (punjabi born in Kenya and hates being called one). Shakes hands and asks the senior staff to show me the ropes(this cracked me up because there werent any ropes at all or strings for that matter for me to be shown. I think it is a family fetish).
He asked M to get me an apron. M hands it to me. I think they took their revenge on me there. the size of that apron was that of a micro mini. I am a complete man I know what it is to wear a micro mini and smile and greet everyone with a smile. The smile was actually giving a message you laugh at me and I am going to punch you right across the face man or woman(hey i am a man wearing an apron which is the size of a micromini over my brand new black pants... I can punch either way sex of the recipient no bar)
So well the restaurant was actually booked full and people soon filled all the tables. Lay the starters plate for L23 four people and eight main course plates for R34. and some drink at R5(I served drinks which I dont know from one to another). When People ordered drinks through me, My face would have told them I dont know &%&$@ about what they ordered (I dont even know if I got them the correct drinks. Does it matter??? Don't they all taste the same???)
I almost dropped chutney on one guy with too much gel in his hair while I was laying the starters table. I wonder how he would have reacted?
I knew this was the table disaster would strike(disaster is not a guy, its just something which happens when Human version of Archie{read--yours truly} serve at tables of eight). So pRicky(its a vision from a camera thats why shift from I to pRicky) is clearing the main course plates. Piling one after other, this guest was extremely helpful and kept piling too and in the process thhe whole pile of plates smashes(its when a huge pile of dirty plates and bowls smash on the floor your entire life flashes infront of you not before you die. It really is your moment in the limelight when the whole restaurant is looking at you and you are looking at the mess at your feet with food all over your brown formal shoes and wondering how you actually managed to save your precious new trousers and thinking how convincingly and confidently can you blame the costumer of the damage{yes all in a second, I assure}) and then all hell broke lose. The suited booted son who hates being reminded of his roots, the senior staff M and N, the kitchen staff, even the son's wife from two floors up came rushing to the table (If i wasnt busy cleaning my shoes I would have definitely felt as Neo must when Mr. Smiths come running to finish him off). N reached first and said her flurry of apologies (she told me later she didnt mean any of them) and then asked me if I was alright (I don't think she meant that also but she asked again and again through the evening so well your guess is as good as mine). M kept asking me not to take tension and I really wasnt taking any. All of them were though. I go to the Kitchen and the Son was nearly jumping out of his trousers with indignation. He started saying what the %&£@ were you doing out there but then he turned around to me and stopped (He saw the apparent difference between us. He was half my size. He didnt say a word. So I am little bigI guess).
I was damaged goods then. I was allowed to carry nothing but clean the tables but not for long. They were understaffed and couldnt do without me being out of action. So I was back to serving drinks the names of which I didnt know.
During all of this M asked me what happened inside the kitchen. What did the boss's son say?
I said nothing and he was almost broken hearted at that. I am king of disappointments.
And so the evening was coming to a close with people going back to their home with satisfaction at being served by a complete Klutz. I started thinking of getting the money I had earned(haha!!!). When the cook asked me what will I eat and I told the guy that I was working here not a guest(He didnt know how to react to that but he wasnt amused I can tell you that). He asked again and I said of course I'll eat food with naan(perfectly normal for a first time waiter at a restaurant where he broke lots of crockery to be ordering food. I mean it really is normal).
So I belted the food, drank a coke (courtesy N) in my original apparel with M who I discovered was from Agra (two UP ke bhaiya jaab milte hain to ek dusre se zyada khane ki koshish karte hain. You all know who won.)
After carrying out all my duties I wait and the dear son's wife and says "You keep this". In my hands I see £20 not £25.
We are in camera mode again
pRicky looks at his hands and looks at the son and says it was agreed that I would get £25. The son starts with " well..." and continues " after tonight..." wisely trailed off, actually he didnt trail off. pRicky interrupted and said What about tonight??? I dint break those plates(of course, he didnt!!!) and it was an accident (most definitely!!!).
Censor cut with respect to younger audience.
The wife jumps in and says of course it was an accident and here is the £5.
pRicky takes what is rightfully his (broken crockery be damned!!!)
The wife says the boss will call you if the need you(Ya right! you dont like the business either huh? I didnt say it though. But I wanted to say if not for your sake for the sake of the crockery dont call me.)
pRicky in his element again, smiles and waves good night and walks back to his place in the dead of the night... unscarred, unblemished and totally bored.

BBC asked how my day was.
Oh nothing eventful!!! (I did say I was in my element didnt I???)




Heart felt thanks to Prude, who told me about the job.
The son who hated his origin being mentioned and use the F word quite liberally for being half my size.
To M and N without whom the evening would have quite painful.
And to dear almighty God...
Vodka you were the saving grace.