I AM NO SUPERMAN...


I promise solemnly that I had nothing to do with being puked on…


Great people always mention certain life altering moments. I am not sure if these moments come face to face with only a few or whether everyone has the privilege of acquainting themselves with such moments.
Moments, which are supposed to shape your life in an inspiring manner. Let’s just say that certain moments provide a certain spice in your life. They are supposed to be the highlighted few which come to your mind and make you wonder how in heaven’s name could you be selected for a moment as defining as being puked on?
That’s right! Entire gut contents spilt on your only pair of jeans.
And what is the feeling like?
Hmm let me see… I felt like an idiot for not thinking! I mean who, exactly who makes a rather ill person sit between two people in a car ride through peak traffic hours? And did I mention the ill person was choking??
Also did I mention that I was thinking that if the person puked I would be in the direct line of fire? But did I make the person comfortable and get them to sit near a window? NO!
There is no easy way of saying it… so I am just going to say it…
One moment I hear ‘ I can’t breathe’ the other ‘ ough… gouugh…’ you know the oft heard puke sounds… And the poor person did try to dodge me but considering I was plume in the zone not much the poor food allergic could do…
Oh! Didn't I mention… Yeah the person suffered from a severe food allergy which by the way I wouldn’t even want my worst enemies to go through. In short what this allergy does is it grows things on you. NO! I don’t mean weeds, it just makes you go bumpy all over and you wish that you could scratch yourself all over like a flea ridden dog!!!
You might think I am exaggerating but I am sure you would give my credibility more credit once you have seen the above mentioned person jumping literally through the roof!!!
Now, let me also mention to all those sick people who would make fun of such a serious situation. While I was helplessly shrugging saying crap things like ‘Are you feeling better?’ while she was ready to punch the wall to distract her from the 'itchy flea' sensation and saying that the world has suddenly turned yellow. The song yellow started playing in my mind. I know, I know I am very cheap.
While, the world turned uni coloured to our ‘jumping Jane’ the doctor’s assistant decided that ice was the remedy which was all that could contain the allergy. Meanwhile jumping Jane started drinking water absolutely neat. Bottle after bottle. Dev D and Devdas be damned!!! THOUGHTS IN THE HEAD: If Jane faints then there is no way hat I could lift her like a hero not cause she was heavy but cause I was in a shape best associated with a potato.
But the distinction of conduct in a situation of stress would go to Dr N and a close run up would be dear Jane. I am certain you would agree.
While Jane was half carried and half pushed into a CRV, which was in a cameo as the ambulance, was quite exhausted by the various itch sensations she could feel. And as the poor dear girl was writhing for some oxygen and looking all around for help and in all this carrying herself impeccably was being explained by Dr N what the scientific terms of her allergy was and consequently stripping her.
I was doing best to utter comforting nothings in a deep heavy and reassuring voice. Considering I have neither depth or weight in my voice, it sounded very squeaky. But I don’t think anybody cared too much about my voice then.
That’s when Jane decided she had enough of my squeaks and took things in her own hands and opened her gut to my jeans and my wood land shoes while apologising, which I must add is a feat… I mean there was only as much you could do… Spill your guts or apologise about something you couldn’t have helped.
Also I need to remind you that Jane puked in a Honda CR-V…
Well, We made our grand entrance into an expensive hospital with dirty toilets, they smelt dirty…
And while I strutted from one room to the other after depositing Jane on an expensive bed trying to walk normally as if puke wasn’t slithering all over me. I could hear Dr N giving courtesy lessons to Jane who decided to stick her tongue out cause it felt dry. All in all it was an experience of a life time. I mean I hope by saying this I would never be puked on again. I think I have had a defining moment too many!!!

For all the impertinent people out there, the jeans have been washed and I also get a new pair for my very overrated services for which I gloatingly take more credit than I deserve… What can I say I was a hero who saved the day!!!

WARNING: pRicky is known to glorify and exaggerate about himself more often than not his role is minimal if not non existent. He continues to be the ass you all adore absolutely useless!!!