Almost a nasheri!!!

So I went and parked Bajaj right in the middle of the road. Now I just didnt do so cause I had lost my mind but this is where the parking is supposed to be done. I get a parking ticket and take of my helmet in a filmy ishtyle and shake my head and hope that I would seem like one filmy hottie I just get poked by my hair in my eye and some in my nose which makes me sneeze. Rather nosily. I am sure some thng flew out in the face of another guy who was whizzing past me at just that opportune moment. I think it was gods way of providing him with natural moisture to his face...
I come back to retrieve my Scooter and I take out a tenner to pay for the parking.
He, the pot bellied, tikka sporting parking attendant, looks at me from top to bottom. I squirm but act as if it doesnt puzzle me after all i stand a couple of feet above him and I really hadnt done anything to worry na...
He: dus ka nahi chalega. teen rupey do. Khole do.
Me: (with an amused actually relieved grin) Nahin hai.
He: mein kya karoon phir?
Me:( in an aside) Chai pilaon kya? Choota karao, aur kya?
He: Kay saab!
'Saab'
He had saab. Yes, now I can be all superior and arrogant.
I wish I had said nahin chahiye kya but with the same amused grin. I offered him the dus rupey ka note.
He: Wait karni padegi.
I just shoved my hands in pocket (my pockets of course!!!) and stood around being a cool guy. I remembered not to shake my head again.
He abuses some guys mother and another’s sister and expresses what he would do to his daughter and wife to another and cribs about lack of change to a ten rupee note.
He comes purposefully towards me and gives me a dilapidated five rupee note. I look at him and accept it. He saw my look and turned apologetic.
HE: Kya karoon saab, choota aisa hi milta hai. Agli bar yehin de dena mujhe hum chalalenge is ko.
Me: yaad rakhoge kya?
He: aapko kaise bhool sakta hoon?
Kyun mere saar pe seeng hai kya? I wanted to say but desisted I was scared he would say nahin jungle hai.
I stand around not doing much but standing around.
He walks back his hands full of gutka packets. In a rather awkward position of hands he puts in my hand a one rupee coin and one sachet of gutka.
I waited for an instant thinking he would pick up the gutka. I looked at him. He returned my gaze.
Me: yeh kya hai?
HE: Saab sabse badiya gutka.
Me: To mein kya karoon iska?
He: Ab saab paisa nahin hai to yeh dono rakh lo.
Me: Arre par mein to gutka nahin khata
He: to shoro kar lo saab. Acha hai yeh. Bidi se acha hai.
Me: Arre mein bidi nahin pita.
He: Yeh cigerrate se bhi accha hai
Me: Arre! Mujhe nahin chahiye yeh gutka
He: Saab kaunsa brand khate ho? Wahi laa deta hoon.
What is with this guy. I am sure he was employed by one or all of the PR companies of the gutka makers.
Me: Dekho. Mein nahin daroo, bidi, cigerrate or gutka kuch nahin letta. Mujhe bache hue paise do.
(aside) arre meri shakal pe likha hai kya ki mein full on nasheri hoon???
He: kya saab. Aisa kya karte ho. Hum kya borre hai?
Me: Nahin tum to bahut acche ho main hi burra hoon.
He: Saab actually paise hain nahin agli bar le lena. Mein aapko hamesha yaad rakhunga.
I cant even convert how much two rupees would be in pennies and I took my scooter and with an exagerrated throttle I made myself scarce...
Aur kya karta?

Tribute to a lost suitcase which had no suit in it!!!

I am careless and I lose things. Actually now I construct situations because of which I lose things. Its been a few days now since I have been allowed in through the customs to the nation to which I boast as my own. Like I went and bought it or some such. But I feel the more you take something for granted the more you consider it your own. See I can give out statements which are quite utterly irrelevant to the entire scheme of what I intend to say in the first place. I mean I digress too much. But that's something I cant be helped with. You know we men get distracted quite quickly by the mobile beauty all around us.
While I dodge the brick bats and others, I shall continuing the heart wrenching tale of me having lost some of my oldest companions and some recent acquired and utterly delightful ones and some odd and ends moments which are now only in my head. No back ups.
SO if some social worker drunkard truck driver plowed me with the rear wheel of his pig transferring stinking sty of a truck before spitting on my soon to be crushed head then those companions and moments too would be evaporated. and the pity is I have no USB port installed into me or a DVD writer or bluetooth so I could transfer it. I cant even get a human compatible printer so I could get print outs so all in all they would slowly melt away na?
It really is torturous and tumultuous to remember the small messages which those companions had scribbled into them, they came with the associations you made with the people who became your family away from family. Those awards which you fought hard for. Those gifts which you begged for and those which came unexpected. But mostly the words written in by friends and authors who you considered your friends.
Those words I remember. Those words which I consider a complete mockery because they weren't true. Those words which displayed amusing associations. The books given to reassure by the people that they are around.
Signatures of all those with whom I was familiar with, some more than the others.
" Most promising speaker of the year"
" Come back fast. YOU owe me a question"
" From a person who you love to fight with"
" Don't be down. When you reach rock bottom you will find me there."
" Hope you enjoy this read"
" Many happy returns of the day"
" to the best bhaiya in the world"
There are some moments in your existence which stand starkly, frozen but not cold. There are books which you had but never read but would have someday. I know now I should have read all those I had. If I could have written an ode it would be to A dictionary, some books and two comics. All I do is smile with nostalgia of having them with me for comfort and having lost them with callousness.