The Fuzz Around your Face!!!

"So What happened to you?" inquired the weird little woman
I literally looked around cause I had no reason to believe that a question like that could be addressed to me by someone who knew me as less as I knew her. (And that explains what??? God! How do people understand what I say ever?)
But anyways, gifted as I am with the highly tuned powers of deep perception and penetration, (couldnt resist... Apologies!!!) figured that it was me who was being addressed with that very irrelevant query and so I responded with the most appropriate *you know me not, who the hell are you and what do you mean* frown and the very intelligent and extremely academic and time tested and weathered
"huh?"
And then came the question which I figured would explain everything but instead it lead me to actually look all around the room to figure who in the hells name was the WLW (weird Little woman) talking to. And the question went as follows:
"Are you a Muslim?"
I gagged (no religious reasons merely cause I realised she was in reality talking to me). And then I got my breath back and whatever little composure I could and said "Ummm... erm No"
And then it dawned
"So why are do you have a beard?"
And I actually went into the whole bio lesson of how boys contain in some quantity some kind of a weird fluid which is called testosterone which enables them to sprout fuzz all over their face and pay homage and tribute to our very wise and trouser less ancestors- The Apes.
So I said but I gagged and squirmed "umm because it happens to boys when..."
I am quite glad I didnt finish that sentence cause I am not sure I could have without lot of sarcasm and a fact about me is I am not sarcastic at all. I am the least sarcastic being on this earth. I would go as far as to say that if tomorrow humanity ceased to exist and I was the last human to have survived then sarcasm would have been extinct already... Though I know there could be debated as to how much of a human I am to be the last of the race but we will leave that for another day.
"So you girlfriend left you?" the pragmatic WLW
Which I heard as "Your girlfriend dumped you???"
And I was stumped... I mean how would she know ???
And I said in almost a whisper"erm I dont have a girlfriend..."
"So then why havent you shaved?"
And I just couldn't figure out the answer to that one cause when I did physics I knew of no equation which would translate to the fact that having a beard is directly proportional to having been dumped
or
being clean shaven equals to having a girl friend...
Did anyone else cover this in their syllabi???
I would like a quick appraisal to those two equations. So I can handle the questions better next time... What say tutor me???
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And so I stretched the my bladder to the optimum limits as I heard him relay his encyclopedia. Even his words are hyperlinked...
And so I continued to test the limits of my bladder for over two hours and walked to bliss in a very awkward fashion...
A relief ahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!