SHIT!!!
HOLY CRAP AND THE DEFINING MOMENT GALORE!!!


I can't help it... I mean I think my share of life defining moments is bigger than everyone else's...
I mean within days of being literally drowned in puke I was in a state where my dignity and honour and chastity could be questioned and very much maligned.
I mean just why do I experience such defining moments? Well mostly cause I'll be great and you know other things which legends are made of...
SO Just how many times have you needed a hole/ a pot/ foliage.. some water and well if not soap then some leaves(rather big ones!!!)?
What I really want to ask is that exactly how many times did you feel the need to relieve your intestines ruled over anything on the face of the earth?
And when you are just writhing with the gases doing its rounds and you desperately searching for those four walls to keep your glory intact and you don't see any loo around and you go mad... I mean how many times has it happened to anyone else?
FINE!!! FINE!!!
I didn't ask you shameless loose boweled people to raise hands...
Alright! So all of you at one point or the other needed to use the public convenience is desperate hurry... fair enough... but did any of you feel the sensation of losing control of all your being while you were live on national television giving astute (YA RIGHT!) credible (SURE!!! SURE!!! WHY not !!!) factual (Will you stop it!!! You crack me up Since when is NEWS REPORTING WITH THOSE QUALITIES... YOU ARE SURE YOU WERE REPORTING FOR NATIONAL TV AND NOT COLLEGE BULLETIN???) report of how things are at the airport my bowels (don't mispronounce its not BALLS spelt wrong...) took control And with the mike held under a guests nose I started dancing so as to try and cajole my insides to stay ummm INSIDE!!!
YES DELHI AIRPORT HAS NO GOD DAMN toilet where when in emergency you can relieve... I knew it but I flatter myself so much so was certain I won't be bothered by the lack of convenience.. WELL I WAS PROVED WRONG BY MY OWN BLOODY BODY and NO!!! I DIDNT HAVE THE CHANCE TO SAY ETU BODY...
I just finished the live with a look on my face which suggested that I had other important things to do than MY JOB!!!
While I was locating a car to get to a nearest LOO... I received a call... The conversation goes something like this...
CALLER: (He spoke really slowly like he had all the time in the world) pRICKY
pRICKY: (who the fuck would it be if you called pRICKY???) YES????
CALLER: Next live at top of 9 am...
pRICKY: Can't do it... Personal crisis... Have to find a toilet and I think I am going to be very late getting to it...
CALLER: OH... EWWW... ARGH (HANG UP)
I was jumping talking to strangers deliriously hoping against hope that someone could help me to a toilet... I am certain I was jumping much higher than JUMPING JANE (Refer to last post)... I was positively leaping... NO not with joy... I mean I was wearing my brand new LEVIS... I REALLY COULDN'T... The thought itself was painful... I can't I just can't lose the battle now....
SLAM!!!
The car arrived... I banged the door and pleaded/ ordered/ abused the driver to get me to a bloody toilet. The great man promptly pointed me to the vegetation on one side. I ignored the very welcome suggestion. Still trying to keep my dignity... Got to a stinky SULABH TOILET and relieved myself thanking all my GODS and ANCESTORS (GOD BLESS THEIR SOUL...)
THE best FIVE RUPEES I ever spent....
AH!!!! ULTIMATE RELIEF...
PPS: pRICKY is experienced in pooping in DTL (Deep trench latrines) MILITARY
as also in VEGETATION
also behind rocks and on river banks...
even though he has experienced the best, most comfortable and very expensive loos... HE still loves the riverside relieving experience...

I AM NO SUPERMAN...


I promise solemnly that I had nothing to do with being puked on…


Great people always mention certain life altering moments. I am not sure if these moments come face to face with only a few or whether everyone has the privilege of acquainting themselves with such moments.
Moments, which are supposed to shape your life in an inspiring manner. Let’s just say that certain moments provide a certain spice in your life. They are supposed to be the highlighted few which come to your mind and make you wonder how in heaven’s name could you be selected for a moment as defining as being puked on?
That’s right! Entire gut contents spilt on your only pair of jeans.
And what is the feeling like?
Hmm let me see… I felt like an idiot for not thinking! I mean who, exactly who makes a rather ill person sit between two people in a car ride through peak traffic hours? And did I mention the ill person was choking??
Also did I mention that I was thinking that if the person puked I would be in the direct line of fire? But did I make the person comfortable and get them to sit near a window? NO!
There is no easy way of saying it… so I am just going to say it…
One moment I hear ‘ I can’t breathe’ the other ‘ ough… gouugh…’ you know the oft heard puke sounds… And the poor person did try to dodge me but considering I was plume in the zone not much the poor food allergic could do…
Oh! Didn't I mention… Yeah the person suffered from a severe food allergy which by the way I wouldn’t even want my worst enemies to go through. In short what this allergy does is it grows things on you. NO! I don’t mean weeds, it just makes you go bumpy all over and you wish that you could scratch yourself all over like a flea ridden dog!!!
You might think I am exaggerating but I am sure you would give my credibility more credit once you have seen the above mentioned person jumping literally through the roof!!!
Now, let me also mention to all those sick people who would make fun of such a serious situation. While I was helplessly shrugging saying crap things like ‘Are you feeling better?’ while she was ready to punch the wall to distract her from the 'itchy flea' sensation and saying that the world has suddenly turned yellow. The song yellow started playing in my mind. I know, I know I am very cheap.
While, the world turned uni coloured to our ‘jumping Jane’ the doctor’s assistant decided that ice was the remedy which was all that could contain the allergy. Meanwhile jumping Jane started drinking water absolutely neat. Bottle after bottle. Dev D and Devdas be damned!!! THOUGHTS IN THE HEAD: If Jane faints then there is no way hat I could lift her like a hero not cause she was heavy but cause I was in a shape best associated with a potato.
But the distinction of conduct in a situation of stress would go to Dr N and a close run up would be dear Jane. I am certain you would agree.
While Jane was half carried and half pushed into a CRV, which was in a cameo as the ambulance, was quite exhausted by the various itch sensations she could feel. And as the poor dear girl was writhing for some oxygen and looking all around for help and in all this carrying herself impeccably was being explained by Dr N what the scientific terms of her allergy was and consequently stripping her.
I was doing best to utter comforting nothings in a deep heavy and reassuring voice. Considering I have neither depth or weight in my voice, it sounded very squeaky. But I don’t think anybody cared too much about my voice then.
That’s when Jane decided she had enough of my squeaks and took things in her own hands and opened her gut to my jeans and my wood land shoes while apologising, which I must add is a feat… I mean there was only as much you could do… Spill your guts or apologise about something you couldn’t have helped.
Also I need to remind you that Jane puked in a Honda CR-V…
Well, We made our grand entrance into an expensive hospital with dirty toilets, they smelt dirty…
And while I strutted from one room to the other after depositing Jane on an expensive bed trying to walk normally as if puke wasn’t slithering all over me. I could hear Dr N giving courtesy lessons to Jane who decided to stick her tongue out cause it felt dry. All in all it was an experience of a life time. I mean I hope by saying this I would never be puked on again. I think I have had a defining moment too many!!!

For all the impertinent people out there, the jeans have been washed and I also get a new pair for my very overrated services for which I gloatingly take more credit than I deserve… What can I say I was a hero who saved the day!!!

WARNING: pRicky is known to glorify and exaggerate about himself more often than not his role is minimal if not non existent. He continues to be the ass you all adore absolutely useless!!!